This is perhaps the most difficult post I have ever written. It is certainly the saddest. Really…..this blog is supposed to be my joy, the place where good feelings and good things happen. But sometimes, I think we have to express the bad in order to return to the good happy places in our lives. Certainly, I am not one to say, “I’ll see you in a few weeks, I have things that need taking care of.” I would rather reach out to you……my friends in Blogland, and ask for your support, prayers, and maybe a few shoulders to lean on at a very difficult time. So please if you will just “stick” with me for a couple of weeks, I think it will be much easier if I can just write it all down.
My Mother died unexpectedly this weekend.
Her health had not been good for about ten years. She had had a brain aneurysm ten years ago, behind the frontal lobe, and like patients that you may have seen on television, she had a complete personality change. She became very angry, uncooperative, and depressed. This was multiplied a thousand times when my Father passed away five years ago from cancer. She missed him terribly and never really recovered from his death.
My Mother refused, I mean absolutely refused to seek any medical attention. The last time she had had any serious medical help was when she had brain surgery. The last time that she had been to the doctor was when they took the staples out of her head from the brain surgery.
So……she was a handful. My brother and I and Heather had all begged her many times to get a physical. We knew that she had high blood pressure and who knows what else.
Yesterday, at about 5:00PM we received a call from my Mother’s neighbor. She said that there were several days newspapers out front, the house was locked and she couldn’t get any response either from the doorbell or the phone. I of course just KNEW just knew that something was terribly wrong. It just so happened that we had all talked to her Friday. My aunt had tried to call her Sunday and had gotten no answer but that wasn’t too unusual. She may have gone shopping or to Wal-Mart.
I called my brother on his cell and told him that I would meet him at mother’s house. I didn’t want him going alone or vice versa. Thank GOD my Hubby was with me.
My brother had a key to the house but the front glass door was locked. NOT a good sign at all. So he just grabbed the handle and simply ripped it off. Only to discover that the door was bolted from the inside. He only had a key to the other lock. We quickly decided that we should go around back and see if we could get in that way. We went around to the side and the gate was chained shut. I don’t know how he did it, but he just ripped the stockade gate open.
So…….this is where it gets so horrible so so sad, I just can’t stop crying.
We ran into the side yard, him in front, me a little behind him, and then my Hubby. I heard my brother start yelling and cussing and then I rounded the corner into the back yard.
My Mother was lying face down on the ground, dead. I don’t mean to be too graphic, but this was Monday evening and we determined that she had probably been there since sometime before noon Saturday.
No one, no one should ever have to see someone that they love like that. It was the most horrible indescribable thing that I have ever experienced. I saw her and just started screaming and screaming and crying and my Hubby grabbed me and hugged me against him and wouldn’t let me go any closer. It was just beyond awful.
We think that she had taken her dog out in the backyard to potty and then probably had either a stroke or a heart attack. My husband assures me that she died instantly. Her head wasn’t turned to the side. Just straight into the ground.
So the shock has just been unbearable for all of us. It was so surreal to walk into her house and see everything in place, just as she had left it.
So I beg you to just bear with me. I actually am quite a bit better today. It’s just that trying to make sense of something that is impossible to make sense of takes a little while to come to terms with. We had discussed the possibility that she might just drop dead some day because she didn’t take care of herself, but for some reason I always thought that I would see some signs of deterioration in her health as a warning sign. She had seemed just fine when we all talked to her Friday.
So here we are. We have already begun sorting through bills and trying to figure things like that out. With as much “stuff” as she had, we think that it will take several months to go through everything. I tell you, the woman taught me well! She was the queen of shopaholics! I found probably fifteen items in her closet with the tags still on! So onward we trudge, and I hope this story wasn’t too…..I don’t know……disturbing. I know it sure feels good to just “get it out” as it were. I’ve already found some wonderful family treasures that I didn’t know she even had. I know that it will be fun to share all of my little finds with all of you as we proceed. So just be patient! I promise not to be a slobbering mess for too long! I really am doing much better than I expected.
Tomorrow we go to the funeral home. But honestly, after what we experienced, the rest is a “cake walk” as they say.